Rethinking Black Tie

H'imagine! Yuh dress up yuh inna di latest gear

Put on yuh Versace cuz di tight pants deh wear

Yuh come out an' hear a rastaman seh "Bun dung a queer!" 

Yuh feel like yuh wan disappe-a-a-ear

     - Beenie Man, Better Learn (2006)

"It would kill me to have to live in New York," he went on. "To have to share the air with six million people! To have to wear stiff collars and decent clothes all the time! To——" He started. "Good Lord! I suppose I should have to dress for dinner in the evenings. What a ghastly notion!"

I was shocked, absolutely shocked.

"My dear chap!" I said reproachfully.

"Do you dress for dinner every night, Bertie?"

"Jeeves," I said coldly. The man was still standing like a statue by the door. "How many suits of evening clothes have I?"

"We have three suits full of evening dress, sir; two dinner jackets——"

"Three."

"For practical purposes two only, sir. If you remember we cannot wear the third. We have also seven white waistcoats."

"And shirts?"

"Four dozen, sir."

"And white ties?"

"The first two shallow shelves in the chest of drawers are completely filled with our white ties, sir."

I turned to Rocky.

"You see?"

The chappie writhed like an electric fan.

     - The Aunt and the Sluggard, from My Man Jeeves by P G Wodehouse (1919)

Trying to figure out what to wear of an evening is a problem to vex even the most rabid clotheshorse. However, it ought to be borne in mind that decisions in this regard are essentially unnecessary. There are rules, which, once understood, may simply be bent to suit the occasion. Woe, however, betide those who ignore these rules or, worse, know not that they even exist.

In this piece I shall endeavour not to reinvent the wheel by reiterating what has already been iterated many times before on other blogs. 

Nor too shall I be posting pictures of Barack Obama looking justifiably uncomfortable in a poorly thrown together white tie ensemble, nor even shall I upload a clip from Jeeves & Wooster S02E03 15:30 - 16:00 demonstrating black tie at the roller derby. Incidentally, when viewing Period Costume Dramas such as this, do bear in mind that the operative term is indeed costume - these are not the clothes you're looking for, they are modern interpretations designed to illustrate and embellish the story. 

Far better to look up actual illustrations or photographs from the period you want to be influenced by. Personally, I tend towards the 1930s. The 20s are also nice, but the 30s are better because you get all the style of both decades at the same time. The 40s, of course, were marred by war - more on what this means in a minute - the 50s were the Beginning of the End and the 60s and after have been a complete write off. I blame Socialism and the Inversion of Quality, which led to such deviance as wearing mining clothes (denim jeans) when you're not a miner, underwear as outerwear (tee shirts), sports shoes when you're not playing sport and no hats (a conspiracy of pharmacists intending for everyone to catch cold).

Do not take your cues from the people around you, nor from photographs in contemporary magazines. There are very few well dressed people willing to be photographed by the paparazzi; you are far better to stick to historical images, as the bad stuff has already been weeded out by the sands of time.

The principle effects on clothes of the 1940s, if we examine the British tradition, were the result of fabric rationing. This led directly to the demise of the waistcoat and its substitution with the knitted vest (a la Duke of Windsor, or more familiarly, Monty Python's Gumbies). The rise of Italian tailoring post-war cemented in the no-waistcoat, as much of Italy has a warm climate which makes the extra layer unnecessary, I guess you could say. Waistcoats are also notoriously difficult to sell off the peg, as they almost always don't fit at all and need to be tailored, as you will have noticed. 

"But I'm a hideous fattie, ill suited to such garb", I hear in translation. I would direct such opinion to photographs of Winston Churchill, or better, Richard Griffiths, which demonstrates just how dashing a vast protuberance can be when girt with an accurately cut waistcoat. As David Hockney rightly said, don't go to the gym, go to a tailor. There's no need to reshape your body when you can reshape your clothes. Who do you think you are?

Nobody notices that I too am a hideous fattie, as I keep my jacket on. When viewed from the front of from behind, the waist is accentuated by the broadening of the shoulders and the flare of the, er, skirt, I suppose you'd call it. Viewed from the side, the top button (on a two button SB jacket) or the middle button (on a 3 button) should occur at the natural waist, creating a slimbening effect. 

Anyway, back to black. As I said, there are Rrruelles which, if followed, will see you right. Say it's Saturday night and you're off to a party. You want to feel relaxed and want the girls to at least not totally shun you, protuberance or no. At the same time, you don't want to draw undue attention to yourself by being massively overdressed. Read on and learn how you may remain massively overdressed yet not out-Herod the hostess or get mistaken for a waiter. 

I won't go into the history of black tie, its relationship to white tie, Edward VII or midnight blue as these topics are covered exhaustively elsewhere. What I will cover is how we might consider and employ evening wear today, in 2011.

To my mind, there are a few inviolable rules which absolutely must be adhered to. Break any of them and you will look like a Complete Tool. The reason is simple. Servants on a pre-war Ruling Elite country home - being essentially a sort of privately held hotel - were dressed by the owners in a hodgepodge of assorted Very Nice Clothes. It was important they they we well turned out, but equally important was that they were not mistaken for anybody important. The way this was achieved was by dressing them in a nonsensical mixture of evening dress and morning dress. You can still see this today in the better hotels - women wearing waistcoats and men's neckties, for instance. Porters wearing silly hats. Don't go there.

• The ensemble must consist of black trousers and a black jacket. Midnight blue is acceptable only if you have cause to own more than one black tie outfit, which you probably don't.
• The shirt must be white and it must have double cuffs with cufflinks. Novelty cufflinks are made to be sold, not bought.
• The tie, or its substitute, must be black. Coloured ties are absolutely wrong and to be scorned. White is also wrong, as this only goes with a tailcoat and I don't care what the costume designer for Boardwalk Empire says.
• Evening clothes are not to be worn before 6pm koz duh. 

However, there are other rules which I feel we may now safely bend or ignore.

The waist, it is traditionally said, must be covered with either a waistcoat or a cummerbund. I've never liked cummerbunds. It's a dumb word, the idea of pleats facing upwards is just weird and they tend to come in colours other than black. Also, there is no daytime equivalent, and I like equivalence. Waistcoats are very nice but not absolutely necessary. The idea behind a covered waist is that the body presents a nice regular silhouette, not being cut in half at the waist. I doubt anybody has seriously considered this in about sixty years and I think it looks fine to have the shirt visible around the waist. But - and it's a big but - the shirt needs to be cut so it has no extra fabric to bunch up and ooze out of your trousers. If it does it really will spoil your nice profile. Skinny boys don't have much of a problem with this but they do tend to find keeping their shirts tucked in a challenge. A nice black brocade waistcoast will keep your shirt out of everyone's way.

Black tie, being less formal than white tie, employs an unstarched shirt, traditionally with studs instead of buttons. I have never even heard of anybody who knows how or where to get a shirt starched; just forget it. Studs are nice, but I think it's good to also have a white shirt with fancy buttons. It helps normalise things. It is the 21st century, after all. Wing collars which show the whole of the tie are considered anachronistic in British usage and I am inclined to agree. They often crop up in Americicia, which speaks for itself. A conventional fold-down attached collar which won't collapse with the top button undone is the way to go. Choose a French placket front: it's not a business shirt. Eschewest thou the fly front, you'll look like Jenny Shipley. Finally, the shirt front should be sufficiently opaque to hide what's behind it, be it a singlet or your scrawny body.Very fine fabric on the sleeves can be rather nice, though, if you have the arms for it. 

Tautologically speaking, black tie is not black tie without a black tie. Omit tie; embrace Toolhood. However, ties of any sort at any time of day are pretty rare these days, due to Socialism, television and the notion that the tie serves no practical function (thank you Nassim Nicholas Taleb - you only get away with the black polo neck because you're Lebanese). I declare the tie shows whether or not the wearer has imagination, is interested in knot theory and can coordinate colours. It allows him to differentiate himself from his peers, if he has any, and it also keeps the neck warm (see pharmacists, above). I'm given to understand some ancient Chinese aphorism exists advising keeping one's neck warm and as a cyclist, where there is usually a cool breeze, I agree. Tracheotomees may wish to either cover up or possibly show off their special neck styles but please, if you plan on leaving the ballpoint pen in place, make sure it's black.

Morgan Freeman has been seen sporting a black cravat with his evening clothes at an Oscars - not a bad result, though even as a habitual cravattie I would hesitate for evening wear as it's perhaps just a bit cazh. New Zealanders may wish to substitute the tie with a piece of dark greenstone, which I think is quite classy and also says something about the wearer. A dog collar of sorts could almost work, as could a velvet choker if you're gay at heart. Use your imagination.

So in essence you have a black suit and a white shirt. As black has not been an appropriate colour for day wear since Queen Victoria abandoned mourning dress, it is reserved for after dark. Black in the day makes you look like an undertaker and even ethnic goths can do better. Prince Albert's death plunged the whole Empire into mourning, to a large extent, and such late Victorian fancies as silk or grosgrain lapels on morning coats are now thoroughly forgotten, especially among the under-25s. Is it therefore acceptable to omit silk facings on the dinner jacket? If it's adequately cut, I think so. And if it's not, why the hell are you wearing it in the first place? Similarly, the concomitant silk stripe down the leg can be omitted too. Personally, I'd opt for a muted silk in each case, and would be inclined to keep the stripe as slim and subtle as possible. It shouldn't be the first thing you notice; the wearer should be the first thing you notice. 

The fabric should be solid black, with no stripe, herringbone or check. A velvety texture or perhaps some tiny spotting to add visual interest is worth considering. The fabric shoul be heavy enough to keep you warm enough but no more. Your local climate should be your guide. Then again, much has changed since Edward's day. Decent heating and air conditioning is now the norm and practically everywhere is illuminated with electric light. This ubiquitous daytime we have invented for ourselves really means that daywear is now wearable all night, but it's nice to wear something special in the evenings when you settle down in front of the monitor with a nice torrent. After all, you gotta wear something, so why not wear something sensible? 

Since the suit jacket is indoor wear, you're unlikely to have sufficient excuse to remove it, especially in the cool of the evening. If it's cold outside, wear an overcoat in any colour you wish as long as it's black. SB overcoats match an SB jacket, a DB overcoat for a DB jacket. I favour single button, single breasted peaked for both, as it's as simple and therefore elegant as you can get without looking like Daniel Craig in Casino Royale. Notched lapels on a dinner jacket is as underwhelming as a Bond movie with no jokes. Never forget that Vespers chose the jacket for him! If he'd had the guts to stand up to her there and then the movie might have been saved. (And none of this complicated martini recipe nonsense either. Go with the house mix and if you don't like it, just leave the drink pointedly unfinished).

Such ready to wear DJs as are presently available, at least in this town, appear to be exclusively of the shawl collar variety. Embrace it if you will, though personally I don't like it as there's nowhere to put the buttonhole. A small cornflower or equivalent is nice as a way of adding colour; the girls will notice. Alternatively, a small brooch - a chrome trimmed black star or a silver weta, perhaps, continuing with the Wellington theme - could work as long as it won't snag on anything.

Ciaosers should be suspended with black or white braces, if a waistcoat is worn, or trimmed with hip adjusters if not. Although a belt could work in theory, I'd advise against it. This is not a lounge suit, this evening wear and you're not at work.

The shoes are inarguably the easiest thing to get right and the easiest to get wrong. Closed lacing and no broguing are key. Pumps are unobtainable and also completely crazy. Patent is good, but not easy to find; any smooth and polishable calfskin will do. Nothing too square or too pointy, as they don't seat well in the toeclips. If playing host, Pope slippers are a classy choice. Billy Conolly wears them fly fishing, you know. Socks should be black and sleek - you'll need sock garters, which are enormous fun if you've not tried them.

Tradition legislates that once in full fig - all the usual plus boutonniere, hankercheif etc - it is pertinent to balance the ensemble by taking one thing off. Trousers are the preferred choice, but it's heavily situation dependent. Dare to dream.

Hats are a grave problem and have been in crisis since JFK's inauguration. In a perfect world, I'd opt for a Hancock style Homburg, though these are so rare nowadays as to be unidentifiable even in name (I'm just using a pointer to an image, really, I don;t know what they're called either and they're not really Homburgs, in my opinion). By day, I favour the Kangol 504 as it's very much a design classic. In the tropical cloth it breathes nicely when on the bike and affords good sun protection. As evening wear, however, I am dubious and Samuel Jackson's uptake of same, while interesting, isn't really doing it for me. Top hats are wrong, fedoras too slouchy. I like fezes (fezes are cool) but they break the rule of not attracting the attention of the reggae artiste when he feels he must reiterate his sexual orientation, often several times in a given verse. I'm not sure of the answer to the hat problem. Possibly a black wool fedora with a slim snap brim? 

In conclusion, it ought to be stuck in head that you should look like a nice guy in a dark suit with a white shirt and nothing more. The clothes dress the man, not the other way round. The fact that you're "wearing a tuxedo", as other people will inevitably put it, should be tertiary to your looking classy and feeling on top of your game. You might say you should look good despite wearing what you're wearing. It's like being noticed for riding a tandem, rather than for not wearing a helmet.